- (While looking pointedly at my head scarf) "Are you sick?" - Did you really just ask me that in the most insensitive way possible? And for the record, no, I'm not sick. I have poison dripped in the veins once a week, but other than that, I feel fine.
- "My friend/coworker/sister had a baby, and she wasn't ready and she just wants to send him back. Having a baby is really hard work" - Are you kidding? A woman on the other side of the world is having my baby, I think I'm ready. And if your friend/coworker/sister wants to send her baby back, I'll take him, no questions asked.
- "Oh, you have cancer? My sister/mother/friend/cousin died of that." - How exactly am I supposed to respond to that one..."Ummm sorry to hear that but I don't plan on taking that route."
- "Maybe you should go to Dr. X or hospital Y" - Seriously!? Who I choose as my medical professional, is MY choice. Obviously I have faith in them, why try to make me second guess myself? How is that helpful?
- "Eating/drinking/breathing X causes cancer/infertility." - Yeah, until next week when eating/drinking/breathing X prevents cancer/infertility. And by the way, did you just say that cancer/infertility was MY fault?
- "Why do you have to do that now? Can't you wait to have a baby/climb Mt. Everest/travel the world?" - Why should I wait? Life is too short.
- "Everything happens for a reason./He always has a plan." - What possible reason could there be for my cancer and my childlessness. His plan sucks.
- "Life isn't fair." - You're preachin' to the choir.
- "Think positive thoughts." - As if it's soooo easy to be a Pollyanna all the time. Did cancer/infertility take away my right to be sad and/or pissed off?
- "Christina Applegate had breast cancer and then she got pregnant and had a beautiful baby...so you can too." - Did you get your medical degree from Dr. Oz? Just because we had cancer in the same body part, does not mean they were the same cancer. Her cancer was found on a routine mammogram that I was too young to have and it was discovered at a MUCH EARLIER STAGE!!! Another woman's fertility post-cancer has NOTHING TO DO WITH MINE!!!
- "Have you thought about adoption?" - Adoption? What's that? Come on, do you really think that if we thought adoption was a viable option for us, that we would be having a woman on the other side of the world, that we have never met, or seen, or spoken to carry our baby for us...in a country ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD?
Friday, May 11, 2012
Things Not to Say to a Cancer Patient or an Infertile
Ok, I've seen other lists out there. This is my list with a twist.