Thursday, August 9, 2012

...and We're Back

This is probably the sixth post I have tried to write in the past 6 weeks.  I've been avoiding blog land since our bad news at the end of June.  The good news for other couples felt like salt in our wounds and bad news for other couples made us feel even worse.  I have once again been struggling to come to terms with the anger I feel toward our situation.  Having always been an optimistic person who sees the glass as half full, I have found myself not seeing the good in anything in our life.  And to be perfectly honest, since our first BFN, our life has been full of bad news and horrible luck.  Mike's mom actually said over a month ago that she had never seen people with such bad luck...and she knows nothing about our baby plans.

But, I digress.  We have spent the last 6 weeks grieving, being angry, putting out fires (figuratively), and trying to figure out our next step on the road to parenthood.  There are several obstacles in our way, but my health and our finances are the two biggest.  Basically, as we see it, we have three options.  First, we could try again with SCI using an ED.  Second, we could scrap the whole surrogacy in India idea and TTC the old fashioned way.  Third, (and this idea came to me like a ton of bricks last week) self-cycling with SCI might be the happy medium between the other two options.  None of these options offers a perfect solution for us.  (But then, if we had the perfect solution, we wouldn't be in this boat, would we?)

So we are still gathering facts and talking to doctors and trying to decide the best way for us to go.  We have hundreds of questions, none of which have any definitive answers and we are in an impossible position. We will just have to take all of the information that our doctors can give us and make the best decision for us.


  1. Hang in there will be worth this rollercoaster ride once you get to the end. Thinking of you

  2. stay strong guys, hoping your docs give you some positive answers making the decision process easier for you, im keeping the half full glass on the table for you x

  3. So glad to see you back in blog land. Remember there are a whole lot of people out here that have been through very similar decisions happy to help in any way they can.

    Sending you strength and positivity.

  4. Welcome back, I hope you get the best advice and good luck on your plan. Life can be so cruel sometimes and I hate to see you suffer, sending lots of love and positive options to help make your dreams come true xx

  5. If it would help any at all, I have self-cycled thru SCI 2x now. Both times I've done the ENTIRE cycle in India from the first shot thru the retrieval. I'm more than willing to answer any questions you may have about all that entails, how it feels, or anything else if you'd like. You can email me (pcosnme at gmail dot com) or we can set up a time to chat via Google-phone. With the time difference this will take some coordination, but we can make it work.

    I am amazed by your strength, and hold you in my prayers! Best wishes!

  6. Hi Maggie. I finally found your blog tonight. What a harrowing and remarkable journey. We're going through our 3rd transfer now and are currently in the 2WW. During our past two attempts, I can't believe how very eloquently put it..."The good news for other couples felt like salt in our wounds and bad news for other couples made us feel even worse." I have felt terrible for thinking this - but I think it can only be normal and very transitional. I look forward to reading your journey. When you do move forward, remember that you have a whole blog community barracking for you on your way. I for one will be reading with interest!