This is probably the sixth post I have tried to write in the past 6 weeks. I've been avoiding blog land since our bad news at the end of June. The good news for other couples felt like salt in our wounds and bad news for other couples made us feel even worse. I have once again been struggling to come to terms with the anger I feel toward our situation. Having always been an optimistic person who sees the glass as half full, I have found myself not seeing the good in anything in our life. And to be perfectly honest, since our first BFN, our life has been full of bad news and horrible luck. Mike's mom actually said over a month ago that she had never seen people with such bad luck...and she knows nothing about our baby plans.
But, I digress. We have spent the last 6 weeks grieving, being angry, putting out fires (figuratively), and trying to figure out our next step on the road to parenthood. There are several obstacles in our way, but my health and our finances are the two biggest. Basically, as we see it, we have three options. First, we could try again with SCI using an ED. Second, we could scrap the whole surrogacy in India idea and TTC the old fashioned way. Third, (and this idea came to me like a ton of bricks last week) self-cycling with SCI might be the happy medium between the other two options. None of these options offers a perfect solution for us. (But then, if we had the perfect solution, we wouldn't be in this boat, would we?)
So we are still gathering facts and talking to doctors and trying to decide the best way for us to go. We have hundreds of questions, none of which have any definitive answers and we are in an impossible position. We will just have to take all of the information that our doctors can give us and make the best decision for us.