We've made some major decisions over the past couple of weeks. We decided to move forward with surrogacy in India using an Indian egg donor. The down side is, we have to wait until April to transfer. So again we wait and I am trying to keep myself occupied so I don't obsess over this.
We agonized over which road to take, but ultimately, we decided we were just making a simple decision very complicated. It took the news of a friend's cancer returning to put things in perspective for me. I was very upset by the news and it made the possibility of a recurrence of my cancer very real to me. Suddenly it seemed foolish to stop taking the drug that could prevent a recurrence, and compound the risk by elevating my hormone levels with an IVF cycle or pregnancy. I felt (and still feel) a fair amount of guilt that while I have the option of taking a drug to prevent a recurrence, and my friend does not, I was seriously considering choosing to not take the drug and tempt fate. Once again life is showing me just how unfair it is.
So, it will be several months before we have much to report on the baby front. In the mean time, I will be working on myself and trying to come to terms with the anger I feel toward the unfairness of life and our situation...and, of course, counting down the days until we transfer.
Things don't always go to plan, but somehow, they always seem to work out in the end. Hang in there. April will be here before you know it. Sending lots of love and positivity your way.ReplyDelete
Amazing and huge decision. I pray that all works out for you. You sound like a wonderful character who's building up a tower of strength to face the adversity she's been granted. Keep going. X hugs xReplyDelete
Huge squashy hug, hoping time goes quickly for you and April is apon you before you know it. Warm wishes xxReplyDelete
Somehow April doesn't seem so far away. Hang on to your hope, and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. You've already overcome so much with the cancer treatments, I just believe so strongly that this is going to become an amazing success story for you!ReplyDelete
Hang in there! We started our journey in 2008. Four years, 5 transfers, 2 clinics and many disappointments later...we are headed to India to pick up our twins. I hate the questions about being ripped off. You beat cancer...you can do this! The emotional roller coaster sucks but you are strong and you will persevere! (((HUGS!!!)))ReplyDelete