We've made some major decisions over the past couple of weeks. We decided to move forward with surrogacy in India using an Indian egg donor. The down side is, we have to wait until April to transfer. So again we wait and I am trying to keep myself occupied so I don't obsess over this.
We agonized over which road to take, but ultimately, we decided we were just making a simple decision very complicated. It took the news of a friend's cancer returning to put things in perspective for me. I was very upset by the news and it made the possibility of a recurrence of my cancer very real to me. Suddenly it seemed foolish to stop taking the drug that could prevent a recurrence, and compound the risk by elevating my hormone levels with an IVF cycle or pregnancy. I felt (and still feel) a fair amount of guilt that while I have the option of taking a drug to prevent a recurrence, and my friend does not, I was seriously considering choosing to not take the drug and tempt fate. Once again life is showing me just how unfair it is.
So, it will be several months before we have much to report on the baby front. In the mean time, I will be working on myself and trying to come to terms with the anger I feel toward the unfairness of life and our situation...and, of course, counting down the days until we transfer.